Sorry, but this post won't be written as well as the last.

The wall broke and I've been a terrible mess ever sense. My emotions are sky rocketing and then plunging back down deep into the earth. I don't know how I feel. Miserable of course because I can't really function in this state.

I cave myself into a room in the house only venturing out for the morning dose of medicine and a savage battle with a tooth brush. This time around it's the bonus room. An upstairs den with a big screen TV that I never turn on. A tread mill that stares at me over the back of the couch taunting my swollen hurting limbs and the fragile mind attached to them. A DVD player that won't play burned Cd's. A CD player that won't play burned Cd's. And a stack of f'ing burned Cd's. The fan, that glorious fan that hums away some of the stress. Crowded coffee tables stacked with half filled and empty glasses. Sweet tea, water, ginger ale.

The series of books I just devoured in four days. A wonderful little trilogy with passion and anger to match my own emotional maelstrom. A fluffy couch that sucks my body into its own cradling arms, a heavy blanket to protect what's still exposed. A large leather recliner that does more harm than good. And yet still finds a visit every few hours when the large room begins to grow too small.

My computer. The safe connection to the outside world. A power under my command that won't break under the emotional barrage. The small release that drains a little more of the tension with each passing hour.

In this time I am insane. I am wild and more than a little dangerous. I am confusing. I am weak, and I am strong. I am angry and I am terrified.

I am so lonely.

So very very lonely.