This wall...the one now sporting cracks that leak what it was once meant to hold...that one. Its stones were made of twisted logic and heart felt denial. The morter to hold it all together? A faint image of the normal life I could have had and still wanted to have.
I threw behind it all the emotions that threatened that image. Truth was the first I sent sailing over the wall. But not all truth went over. Some seaped into other parts of my life. When I encountered one, I threw it over. Again and again truth thwarted the idea of a normal life. My great wall, once so solid and safe, was not enough to hold back truth. No defense of mine could tame it. Truth is hard like diamonds and I could not carve my image into it.
Now that wall is falling, breaking under the strain of truth and the emotions wrapped around it. My hands are shaking over the keyboard as I fight to retain some sense of balance in the onslaught about to be unleashed. Writing release isn't enough for this one. No release can blunt what is to come.
All that is left is acceptance. You can't contain truth, you can't fight truth.
I'm not ready.
The truth hurts too much.
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1 comment:
Thank you for your encouragement this past week - really sweet. I'm not sure what this post is about - but it is beautifully written.
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